Love dont Hate JPG

Yesterday, we discussed the need to reach across what divides us and find things we have in common.

Today, let’s take that a step further: “Can’t we all just love one another?”

Seriously, that’s what conservative columnist David Brooks suggested in “How to Engage a Fanatic” last month, though he also admits it’s not always easy. (He also extends credit to Stephen L. Carter’s 1998 book “Civility.”)

To be clear, he writes about more than an easy-going, “I love everyone” attitude. No, not simply saying it but doing something. A reminder, we’re talking about loving fanatics, which most of us only use to describe zealots whose opinions are considerably different from ours.


Listen, truly listen, even if the fanatic is saying repugnant things. Listen, ask honest questions, rephrase what you heard, and, “Show some ultimate care for their destiny and soul.”

(Worth noting, he acknowledged there are people with whom you cannot have a civil conversation, including those who simply will not participate, those who refuse to accept facts, and people who cling to outrageous tenets such as racism.)

Why love?

He gives three general reasons/benefits for loving fanatics. He expands on each in his column, but we can summarize them as (1) to protect yourself from your own bitterness; (2) many fanatics are wounded people for whom a listener is a gift; and (3) it’s good for the country.

If you’ve cruised around social media much the last couple of years, this may seem impossible, but the potential benefits speak for themselves.

Three final observations: You do not have to abandon your principles or beliefs. You don’t have to like someone to love them. And expect this to be difficult to execute.

3 thoughts on “Love???”

  1. Love is merely affection or sentiment to many. For me, love requires me to recognize, search for, affirm the humanity of any other person. Much of our nation ceased extending humanity to any not held in their affection, choosing a juvenile definition of the word and practice. Loving the offensive, hate-filled, harmful person is so much harder. Slacker souls, satisfied with lazy love, permeate our culture….Years ago, I stunned my Sunday study class by saying, “If I were a Muslim parent, I would look at American girls & think ‘That is a depraved country, void of decency.” The sexualization and exploitation of females at ever younger ages to sell anything is appalling to me, and I am a liberal Christian. What must a very conservative culture perceive? Lest you think this is limited to Muslims, when I went to Guatemala 12 & 13 years ago, the only pants we were supposed to wear were the scrubs & only at the clinic. When going out in public, we were advised to wear dresses or skirts, out of respect for the local culture & standards. (An aside, the names Karen & Brenda were still popular choices for girls there. I was photographed with a Karen 30 years my junior–loved it. Gathered skirts circa 1950-1960 USA were also standard dress.) Thank you for your blog, Steve.


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