Illuminate me!

Balina Beach, New South Wales, Australia might be a fine place to seek illumination. Just a thought. Photo by Steve Martaindale

After years of annoying letters from Nigerian princes trying to assuage their guilt by sharing vast sums of money with me…

Amidst the current trend of people who have already sent me vast sums of money that all I must do is confirm a little information…

Now, I finally get a welcomed email.

Join the Illuminati

“Greetings, from The illuminati world elite empire.”

Yes! I have finally been discovered!

“Bringing the poor, the needy and the talented to limelight of fame, riches, powers and security, get recognized in your business, political race, rise to the top in whatever you do, be protected spiritually and physically! All these you will achieve in a twinkle of an eye when you get initiated to the great Illuminati empire. Once you are initiated to the illuminati empire you will get numerous benefits and reward.”

OK, I know what you’re thinking: Those claims are a little bit too general. Maybe this is simply another scam.

Hah! That’s just how the unilluminated would think. (Or should it be “non-illuminated”? I’m sure that will be part of my training.) But, if that’s true, how would you explain the next paragraph?

“Note: that this email message was created solely for the purpose of our recruitment scheme which will end next month and this offer is for unique ones only, if you are not serious on joining the illuminati empire, then you are advise not to contact us at all. This is because disloyalty is highly not tolerated here in our organization.”

I mean, if it were fake, would they have told me to NOT contact them?

The rest of the message concerns how to contact them using a special email located on the exclusive mail service. Seriously, is anyone surprised Microsoft is tied in with The Illuminati?

Y’all go about your paltry existence while I craft my acceptance letter to The Illuminati. Be aware I may be difficult to catch in the future, being that I will be busy with the “limelight of fame, riches, powers and security.”

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