Steve Martaindale

Author of the JP Weiscarver Mystery Series

More emperor of Earth

Super Moon 8-10-14 002

Here are some additional items on my to-do list once I’ve been affirmed as emperor of Earth.

I’ve also added them to the original post of March 13, 2016, so instead of reading these here, you can read all of them by clicking this link.

And if anyone questions your reading this at work, tell them your future emperor requested it.

Empty, then load

If I were emperor of Earth, everyone will be drilled on the proper way to use an elevator. That is, you press the button and step to the side to wait. When the door opens, instead of rushing in, you wait for anyone already inside to depart first. There may also be some instruction on proper eye contact.

No cutting

If I were emperor of Earth, cutting in line would be grounds for ejection from the planet without a refund.

Common courtesy

If I were emperor of Earth, when driving on a two-lane road with a good shoulder, slower traffic would be required to pull onto the shoulder to allow faster traffic to pass. Additionally, passing drivers would be required to give a friendly hand wave or to flash hazard lights to say “thank you.”

Learn what it is

If I were emperor of Earth, one must have medical orders to request gluten-free foods.

Drop it

If I were emperor of Earth, there would be a hefty tax every time someone writes the plural of his or her family name by adding an apostrophe before or after the S. That’s not what the apostrophe is for.

Bloodline

If I were emperor of Earth, one may refer to pets as children and to herself as Mommy to the pets, but I will require the acquisition of adoption papers.

Hygiene

If I were emperor of Earth, I would require public rest rooms be equipped with alarms. In the event someone uses the rest room and leaves without washing his or her hands, an embarrassing alert will sound.

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3 responses to “More emperor of Earth

  1. Judy Bochner October 12, 2016 at 5:35 pm

    In California, it is the law to pull on to the shoulder to let cars pass if 3 or more cars are behind you. One more reason to move there.

    Like

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