Steve Martaindale

Author of the JP Weiscarver Mystery Series

Fortune cookie crumbles

fortune cookie

Closing out the week on a lighter note (please and thank you), I was caught off guard Thursday after lunch when I read the fortune pictured above.

“Live each day as though it were your last.”

I mean, that’s good advice, but classifying it under the category of “fortune” gives it a particularly ominous ring. Is the wise old man in the fortune cookie factory in Brooklyn insinuating my last day is soon? Today? (Good news; I made it through Thursday to Friday!)

With the help of Facebook friends, this got me thinking about questionable fortune cookies:

“Check under the car before you start it.”

“Did you turn off the oven?”

“Make sure your life insurance premiums are kept up-to-date.” (Thanks, Gina.)

“Does your doctor know how much you’re eating?”

“What’s it worth to you to not tell your wife you’re here?”

“Not now, not ever.” (From Don.)

“Alt-Control-Delete.”

“Your application remains under review.”

“Ignore all previous fortunes.” (Thank you, Judy.)

“Don’t worry about that burglar alarm; it’s actually firefighters knocking down your door.”

“Didn’t you think the egg roll tasted a little funny?”

“It was nice knowing you.” (Back at you, Thomas.)

“Help, I’m being held prisoner in a fortune cookie factory.”

“You really should have stopped after one trip to the buffet.”

“Avoid anyone with a shiny red nose.” (Paul’s input.)

“This is your last fortune cookie.”

“You wore that in public?”

“It’s always darkest just before it goes completely black.” (Dan’s wisdom.)

“I didn’t wash my hands before folding this cookie.”

“Some fortune cookies lie.”

“Don’t judge a book by its cover. Judge by page 253 where your favorite character dies.” (Shawn says.)

“Leave the restaurant casually but promptly and don’t look back.”

“You’re expecting way too much from a cookie.”

“You are boring … even to a cookie.”

“Start working on a good alibi.”

Chime in with your ideas.

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